On May 16-18, the Young Adults had their annual retreat at the beautiful Camp Saint Joseph in the Russian River Valley. Here is the third of four reflections from our retreat guests.
Holy Father Dominic, pray for us!
Have you ever found yourself worrying that you worry too much? I do. I am learning major lessons about unknowns right now. What should I do? Retreat? Yes. I’m kind of a retreat enthusiast. I sought answers to my anxious questions on a fifth consecutive trip with the young adult group.
Retreat does not mean to give up. To retreat is to disengage from something difficult and to rest in a sanctuary. On the retreat, I was given a verse from Jeremiah to reflect on that reads, “When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me and I will change your lot.” Sr. Miriam, a Dominican Sister of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist had passed verses around in a box and said not to worry about the verse we chose, it was meant for us by the Holy Spirit.
Upon reflection, I knew I was seeking God with a renewed heart. I had come to the retreat in a place of doubt about how much I loved myself. If I was not fully loving myself, then I could at least pray to want to love myself more. From Martin’s talk, I saw that in my past I had treated ‘loving’ myself as loving others first. Faith can be measured in small steps. Martin’s talk helped me tremendously. There is safety in having Faith. It provides Hope. And there, we find Love.
I had to remind my worrying mind that Jesus’ love is greater than my own love. During Adoration on Saturday night I asked God, “How can I hear you speak to me?” I felt so much fear in the silence. The idea occurred to me to write a letter to God. He provided the sacred space I needed, especially during Adoration, to ask Him anything. I’m not questioning as much anymore, and I’m taking small steps towards a whole heart and loving myself as God loves.